My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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