I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
