if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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