If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
