i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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