Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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