'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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