I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
