Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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