my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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