Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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