i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
