Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone came in the potted fern
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
