We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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