I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
