Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if only i could text you this smell
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
