The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
