I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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