I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
