I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
