Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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