I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
