I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
