Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
