I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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