oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wear drunk well.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
