just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
