yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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