God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
