____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
