hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she smelled like a LAN party
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
