I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
