I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
