I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
