I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
