Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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