I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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