i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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