Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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