it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
