Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
