He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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