Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
