That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
