I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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