Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
