She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
