Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
