Sponge bath it is.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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