She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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