I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
