So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
