I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
