i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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