Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
