I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
