Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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